Brazil 2014: The Delicious Game – Portugal edition

(Photo:  whateiatetoday.com)

Turns out “skewering” is not a word one can work into a caption without being overwhelmed by innuendo (Photo: whateiatetoday.com)

The Delicious Game is back! Contributor Anu Lakhan is your guide to the puzzling culinary traditions of Portugal…

The Portuguese have taken 441 lbs of cod to Brazil.

My interest in the nation of Portugal has been on medium heat for as long as the four days since I was offered this spot. It turns out I might foster this enthrallment for four years and end up in the same place: they can’t be trusted.

You need consider only two matters to come to this conclusion:

1. They have good steak, special caviar, an affinity for eggs, top-drawer seafood, and all good porcine things. And what do they devote themselves to? Salted cod.

2. They have a fine history of naval expeditions and once curated a nice collection of colonies (including the World Cup host country). And what do they devote themselves to? Cristiano Ronaldo.

Up to press time, they find themselves at the bottom of their group. I have no sympathy.

[Editor’s note: What’s this all about? Catch up with the first installment of the Delicious Game here.]

The universal look of alarm that arrives when a man in a rubber suit pulls you out of your bath (Photo: clanrota.com)

The universal look of alarm that arrives when a man in a rubber suit pulls you out of your bath (Photo: clanrota.com)

In 1500, Pedro Cabral, one of those acquisitive maritime types so popular around then, found Brazil. Did he want Brazil? Did he want, really, pretty much the entire South American continent he is credited with happening upon? Not especially. Like all the cool kids, he was looking for India.

Roll forward five hundred and fourteen years, five months and a handful of days. The Portuguese make to lay claim to Brazil again. Do they land, and with arms outstretched declare: Here we are! Here’s the good sangria! We bring pig draped in clams, Madeira-infused cake, cozido à Portuguesa (a stew so full of beef and sausage the heart burns just to think of it)! Is that what they do? No. Again with the bacalhau: salted cod.

Thanks Portugal. Maybe a fruit basket next time.

Just saying: not everyone wants cod as a gift. (Photo: decorchick.com)

Just saying: not everyone wants cod as a gift. (Photo: decorchick.com)

No. None of this is fair. It makes it sound like the bacalhau was brought for someone other than themselves. To taunt the other participating countries and host alike with the promise of what could have been: the sheep cheeses, the port, gazpacho, desserts sighing with vanilla and cinnamon, figs and almonds.

But of this they are not culpable. They do not care to inspire envy; they just want to be prepared – to have enough salted fish so they can fix it in any of the 365 ways they say they can do it.

Bacalhau version #273 (receitasehumordemulher.files.wordpress.com)

Bacalhau version #273 (receitasehumordemulher.files.wordpress.com)

A note on piri-piri chicken: it’s only sort of Portuguese. You, fellow football disciple, you have heard of this spicy fowl, beloved of the European soccer professional in a manner rivaled only by tattoo parlors and PlayStations.

You have heard of the magical place known as Nando’s, where the poultry sizzles and the masses – great and humble – tumble in to gorge themselves on what the western world calls “spicy”. The piri-piri pepper responsible for the flavor is actually South African by birth but seems to have accepted its transfer with grace.

Professional athletes aren't allowed to don sportswear. (Image: footballburp.com)

Professional athletes aren’t allowed to don sportswear? (Image: footballburp.com)

It’s said that when the Portuguese first wandered on to the Brazilian shores they found a population of about seven million people. The civilization was well-established and cannibalism was quite acceptable.

This is my thinking: if after all these years the Portuguese have turned up again with nothing but salted cod, eat one of the players.

Presented without comment (Photo: famcy-edibles.com)

Presented without comment (Photo: fancy-edibles.com)

Image: freeflagicons.com

Image: freeflagicons.com

OTF’s recommended gameday tailgate:

Bacalhoada

Porco a Alentejana

Pasteis de Nata

Sangria

Drop us a comment if you give it a try (Photo: pigletinportugal.com)

Drop us a comment if you give it a try (Photo: pigletinportugal.com)

**********

Get more of OTF Soccer’s World Cup 2014 coverage right here – and follow us @OTFSoccer

**********

Anu Lakhan is too busy fielding complaints from the cod industry to be on Twitter. 

 

One thought on “Brazil 2014: The Delicious Game – Portugal edition

  1. Pingback: Brazil 2014: The Delicious Game – Brazil edition | OTF Soccer

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s